Allahuakbar, allahuakbar, allahuakbar..
La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzalimin..
It’s already past midnight…and I probably think I should head home. Of course..why would someone want to stay up in the lab on a Friday evening T_T but gladly I would say, Alhamdulillah.. finished an experiment that had so many so many obstacles. Can you believe it, it took me (and supervisor) almost a semester to solve numerous problems in that experiment just to make it work…and although I have finished this experiment, the result will determine whether or not I should repeat it with further alterations. So in actuality, it has not yet finished. Huhu.
Although I may be entitled to feel depressed because of my state of life (some would ask, ‘Do YOU have a life?’ *smirk*), I’m not. Alhamdulillah I am soooo not =) Before this I did question why I chose to continue my study here, away from my husband (actually he was suppose to come but something happened), away from the people I love (and missing so much), family etc. Why, for the fact that I do have an alternative, I did have a choice (peluang beramal di mana-mana). That was when I got ‘depressed’ because I thought I made the wrong decision. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but if you have so many things that are against you, you couldn’t help but to think that you’ve made a mistake. It didn’t help that I was struggling with my PhD, I almost thought that this was not for me.
Actually, I already had a reason as to why I should come here. That was even before I came here. The best reason that anyone, any Muslim, any Mu’min can have for being where he/she is. Subhanallah. But really, just knowing without putting your whole heart in it is nothing. Astarghfirullah. Alhamdulillah Allah made me sit down and really question myself. And it goes back to the same thing but now with an enlightenment. Pembaharuan niat ^_^
I still miss my husband, and my family, and akhawati fillah over there. But I chose to persevere here because I believe that Allah has stored something good for me. It became clear to me that it doesn’t matter where we are, or whatever that is being presented (or afflicted) to us, what matters is how we see it and act upon it and that is observed by Allah SWT. Although this is way easier to say than do, this is what I have been believing for so long and I should stick to and be reminded by it always. It is all about learning and Alhamdulillah I am growing =)
So many things to contemplate, but it’s really getting late. I hope Allah will forgive me for my past mistakes and include me as one who has strength in Iman and Taqwa.
La ila ha illa anta, subhanaka inni kuntu minazzalimin..